Growing Up and "Loving" It

Huss!  Another salesman that we have have a special endearment for!  He comes out of one of the biggest and overly famous auto dealerships in Salt Lake City.
My husband and I wanted to test drive a Toyota Corolla and Toyota Camry, so we went into the dealership to see if they had any.  When we got there, they took our keys as "collateral" and we met "Huss."  Huss had some kind of medical problem [it resembled Teret's Syndrome a bit.  We didn't notice it until we were on our test drives.]  Not to judge in any personal kind of way, but there was something strange about taking a test drive and hearing a vocalized "m" [close your mouth and say the letter 'm' from the bottom of your throat.  That is what he was doing] every four seconds...almost in rhythm.  It  inwas a huge distraction from asking questions about the car.  We weren't sure whether he was using it as a distraction, or if it was really a problem for him.
Anyway...about Huss.  That wasn't his only problem.  He apparently had a HEARING problem as well!  When we got there, we told him that we wanted to see the Toyota Camry and Corolla.  He immediately took us over to a Ford Taurus, followed by a Mazda, and then to a Saturn.  I instantly caught on to his tactics, and I said, "Yes, but this is a Ford, Mazda and Saturn.  We ONLY want to see your Toyota line today.  He said,  "Okay.  Let me see what I've got."  He looked around for a second, and then took us to a Chrysler, another Ford, and another Mazda!  I was getting really ticked off because he was brushing me off...a lot like the sales guy in another store.  But, I played nice!  The problem with "playing nice" is that you always get the raw end of the deal!!!  Playing nice led us on a two hour look at 30 different cars -- NONE OF WHICH WERE TOYOTAS!  I finally got straight to the point with him, because we had far better things to do that day than ride around in a golf cart with him.  I said, "Do you even have any Toyotas here today?  Because if you don't, we want our keys back!"  He said that he needed to check with his manager.  He disappeared momentarily and then came back...again trying to show us every other car than that.  I asked him immediately again to take us to a Toyota.  Finally, they found some run down, wrecked, piece of crap Corolla in the back, but we took it for a drive anyway.  The whole way, we had to hear that voiced "m" in rhythm and in 4/4 time.  It aggravated me even worse.  When we got back, he wanted us to spend the rest of the day in his golf cart driving around too...but I had other plans.  I told him we wanted our keys back three different times.  [Each time, he returned to find his manager.]  Finally, when Dave and I were fed up with the game playing, we walked in the front door ourselves and asked for the manager and told him to give us our keys and we would be leaving...and never entering another one of these "famous" dealerships again.  It took them 10 minutes, but they finally gave us our keys and then apologized profusely...and VERY insincerely!  Needless to say...we have never been back...except when we want to have a little bit of fun...and we drive in their dealerships...right up to the flocking/swarming/hovering group of salesmen waiting to eat you for dinner at their doorstep, and then we speed off in laughter while they all run after us!!!  It's rather funny!  We also sometimes drive in, start looking at a car for a second, and when the sales rep that is hiding behind the vehicle two doors down jumps up to try and help, I dive in the car and we speed off again!  Now THAT!  That is funny!!!  Did I mention that I hate these OVERLY FAMOUS auto dealerships in Salt Lake City?  I hate them so bad that I would drive out of state to buy a car [not to California...because I don't ever want a car with California Emissions again!] just to avoid these dealerships.  But, Bad Salesmen bug me even worse!  :)

My husband and I had a good laugh one night as we were driving in the car with the kids.  I told him that in order to talk about certain groups of people, certain subjects, the news, appointments, etc., that maybe we didn't necessarily want the kids to hear about at the time...I just dropped or replaced one or two of the beginning letters of the word with the letter "H."  For example:

Hisherman = Fisherman
Holiticians = Politicians
Hosts = Ghosts
Heacher = Teacher
Haiter/Haitress = Waiter/Waitress
Halesman = Salesman
Hecker = Checker
Hibarian = Librarian
Hoctor = Doctor
Hentist = Dentist
Honsters = Monsters
Hool = School
Hex = Sex
Hanager = Manager
Holice = Police


As we started trying to name everything we saw with an "H" in front of it, we somehow seemed to entertain ourselves for quite sometime.  It was quite hilarious!  It has worked so well that I almost speak in code to my husband, and he can pick up on it.  It has also saved a lot of worry for our little five-year old worry wart who has to know "everything" RIGHT NOW!!!!  I'm starting to not be able to remember life before the "H."  It's so natural now, that half of the time, I have to check my vocabulary to make sure I'm not saying something in "H Code."  :)  I suppose that ANY letter could work for this scenario if this is of use to you.  But, "H" is fitting to our needs and downright funny sometimes too.  My husband now uses my technique as well.

However...I do tease him at home all of the time like that...blaming him if a burp or other strange bodily sound happens to slip out [Don't you dare judge me!  Everybody does it!  Even you!].  I suppose I should watch myself!
Another similar instance occurred today at a local Macy's.  I went in to try and find some shoes for my husband for Father's Day.  I was quite shocked to find out that there were only about 15 pair of shoes total in the entire men's department.  A lady asked if she could help me, and I told her what I wanted.  She didn't have the shoes in store, but told me that she could order it online and give me a discount if I went with her.  So, we walked over to her computer and she began to get my information.  The kids immediately went wild and started running around and around the shoe racks!  I was casting them some very threatening looks...but all I got back from them was a 10 second calm down before it all began again.  I gave BigBubs a really evil eye and threatened to take some toy away from him when he got home if he didn't knock it off!  That helped for a minuted, but then they both laid down on the ground and started rolling as if it was a big green hill or something.  I didn't mind, because at least they weren't destroying any merchandise.  But, there was a very rich, elegantly dressed woman standing behind me in line who was giving me terribly dirty looks.  Unfortunately, I was kind of stuck there until the order got processed.  She kept giving heavy sighs, and I was wondering if she would ever make it through her disgust to place an order after I was finished!  :)  When I finally had the order placed, I picked up the kiddos and gave a grim [and somewhat sarcastic] smile to the woman and took my kids home.  As we started to walk away, BigBubs said, "She is a Mama Biatch, huh?"  Oh Boy!  Now Mommy's bad habits are REALLY sneaking through.  :)  BigBubs has learned from his mama that women of that caliber are not looked highly upon in my world...you know...the ones with A LOT of money...who always had the money to pay someone else to watch her children, clean her house, buy her food, do her laundry, drive her car, pay her bills, etc.  They are the condescending type no matter what category you fall into that isn't "her style."  These are women who his mommy refers to as "Mama Biatch."  Another definition of this title is simply:  The mode that mommy goes into when somebody ticks me off or makes a huge mess in my house and doesn't clean it up!  Either way, BigBubs has identified both definitions clearly!  He was right about the woman, so I had no need to correct him.  However, I'm not sure how I feel about my son carrying on his mother's legacy.  Sometimes, it's a wonderful thought!  Other times...like these...I am like, "OH CRAP!"  :)  Let us be careful what we say.  :)

So, another watchful eye on the world today!  What makes people think that standing OUT IN THE ROAD while waiting for a bus is going to make the bus come any faster??? The only thing I foresee in all of their impatience is a quick detour to heaven when a car [or the bus] smacks them!!! People do it all the time here in Salt Lake City! If the bus is late, they walk right out into the middle of the road to see if the bus is coming...and they do it without "looking both ways." What is up with that?   Better yet, if you are driving straight toward them, they stand there looking beyond your car in hopes to see the bus.  When they finally do see you, they still stand there with that gawking look on their face, and you eventually just drive around them.  Or, at least I do!  But will everybody?  Is this only a problem here in Utah?  Is Pedestrian Safety A thing Of The Past?  What do You Think?

After going for a nice swim with the Hubby, BigBubs and LittleBubs, we decided to stop by Arctic Circle for some dinner. The kids devoured their corn dogs like there was no tomorrow. BigBubs obtained his independence for but a few moments when he sat on the saddle seats at the fast food restaurant, and LittleBubs found the playland. As my hubby and I were left to our moment of silence to peruse through the mental people watching catalog [that is free...mind you, EVERYWHERE you go!] As we looked around the room...THERE HE WAS! "The Money Licker!" Jeans, Cowboy Boots, Dark Glasses and a White Button Down Shirt -- going for the look of Butch Cassidy...or maybe the Sundance Kid. Either way, there he was! The cashier added up his total and told him what it was. Then, out flashed his roll of money [about three inches thick with a rubber band around it] from his front pocket! He gently removed the rubber band and then flashed the whole pile in his left hand in front of the cashier. Then, as he put forth his right hand to count out the dollar bills to her, he did it! He LICKED his great big thumb and slid it from his hands to hers...leaving the bill damp in her hand. I screeched out a quiet but mumbled "Eeewwwwwww!" from across the room, thereby catching my husband's attention. He asked the purpose of my screech, and I began to explain one of the great "grossnesses" [yes, a word I just made up] that just disgusts me! I proceeded to tell him about the man who forever in my mind will be known as "The Money Licker!" For some reason my hubby was humored by the whole thing. My thoughts: Money is the DIRTIEST thing EVER!!! People keep it in dirty purses, dirty wallets, dirty pants pockets, dusty piggy banks, shoes, bras and underwear. They transfer it from person to person, they go to the bathroom [half of the time without washing their hands] and then touch it...usually passing it from one person to another. They find it and pick it up out of the dirt. They put it in those infested candy machines at the grocery store, the mall, amusement parks, the bus, parking meters, etc. After they are done doing everything that they do with money, they slobber on their finger and pass it along! Folks, we've all been there at some time...whether a librarian, a mother, a friend, a husband or a child! We have all been a victim of "The Money Licker!" Yet, we all still work our butts off to earn more of it! Such is life! We must have it! But, we might want to run it through the washer first. :)